Practical Examination; Promotion to Colonel N.P.A.M.

The Official Solution

Canadian Defence Quarterly, Vol. XIV, No. 1, October, 1936

I will now appreciate the situation from the point of view of the Brigadier Umpth Inf. Bde… . Tha's a start anyway … I got my real start with those two double Scotches I had—felt cold before then; no pep, but now I could tear tigers in two with my bare hands … Must stick to brass tacks, though … Object, To drive the enemy from that spur which commands the avenues of approach… . Boy, will that object wow them; John couldn't have put it any better himself. What comes next? Considerations, or factors, as some calls 'em. Own Troops—I've got the P.E.I. Highlanders—too long that, for hasty appreciation. Call'em P.E. Islanders—No, Pielanders. Then the Northumberland Scottish and Irish, and Les Franc- Tireurs de Ste. Anne de la Procatiere … Say, what the hell is this, want to make me waste all my time writing out those names? I'll call'em Frankie and Johnny—code. Kind of losing my pep—Waiter, another double Scotch. One thing you get quick service about here. Well, what's next. Time and Space. Hell, I'm no Einstein, I'm supposed to be appreciating this at 0130 hours at 043 130. Which is time and which is space? Why couldn't they have kept old Ack emma and pip emma, then you didn't mix up times and map co-ordinates. Well, it's ten miles to Britannia Heights, and a hell of a long time between drinks… . Waiter, another double Scotch… . Glug-glug. That reminds me, mustn't forget the rum issue in this operation, troophsh gotta have shtimulant… . Well, whatsh object, mustn't lose sight of him. To spur the enemy from that drive, and command him to approach the avenue… . Courses open to him … Hell, he won't have any course, except to take it and like it, when I put those Pielanders at him on a two battalion front, Starting line, zero. Headquarters at the Bell in Bell's Corners—I saw a pretty good hotel there, and they ought to have a license… . The tanks will follow the cavalry onto the spur, and make an approach drive on to the avenue. Care must be taken to concentrate the artillery—Hear that you C.R.A.? Where's your artillery plan, what the hell do you gunners get paid for if we P.B.I. have to tell you how to do your job… . Waiter, two double Scotches. gotta have reserves handy … Boundary lines—gosh, we're all friends here, can't make any boundary between Frankie and Johnny, . . Down the drain. My object ish approach the drive, and spur the commander in the avenue … The O.C. Machine gun battalion will detail his companies here and there, and then go and take a big jump in the lake—never liked that fellow anyway… . Well, guesh that otta satisfy the board: what do they expect for ten day's pay a year, Ludendorff? Better read it over … Situation of the depreciation … Glug-glug … assessment of the position … Hell, assassination of the President, tha's what I'd like to do.